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"Kids say the
darndest things"
-Bill Cosby

"Out of the mouth
of babes"
-Psalms 8:2,
Matthew 21:16

"Holy s***, did he/she just say what I think he/she just said?"
-Daddy

You get the picture.  This is the place for all of the one-liners that these little quote machines produce on a daily basis.  Only the best of the best will make it here.  No explanations will be made.  Just the quotes...sometimes a dialogue.  You can draw your own conclusions.  It's not always the kids that make the honor roll, though.  Sometimes it's our own reaction to what they say or do.  Stick to the blog for more detailed anecdotes.  It's not always pretty, so don't read if you are easily offended by kid's potty humor.  

Quotes of the Week

December 2, 2011
Lia:  My big toe is bigger because I eat more. 

November 29, 2011
Lia:  Mommy, on Christmas, can we bob for apples?

November 27, 2011
Lia
You're gonna be on the naughty list and Santa's not going to bring you any beer or shirts!  [To Daddy]

How come we don't have an RV?   [While watching Christmas Vacation in the car]

November 21, 2011
Not all Quotes of the Week have to come from the usual suspects. The following conversation was overheard between a father and son sitting behind me on my flight as soon as we touched down at O'Hare after a 2.5 hour flight from Dallas.

Kid:  Daddy, I REALLY have to pee.
Kid's Dad:  Well, you're going to have to wait until we stop.
Kid:  But I'm gonna pee my pants.
Kid's Dad:  Sorry, you have to wait until we get to the gate.
Kid:  I'm gonna PEE MY PANTS! I'm gonna PEE MY PANTS!
Kid's Dad:  You HAVE to wait.  You are not allowed to get up until we get to the gate.
Captain:  Umm...we're gonna have to wait for a plane to push off from our gate, so it's gonna be just a few more minutes.
Kid:  NOOOOOOOOOOO!

November 20, 2011
Lia:  [she says calmly with a straight face as Daddy is walking out the door to go to the airport]  Don't crash.

November 13, 2011
Lia:  Mommy, Jesus is allergic to oranges.     D
Dominic:  Mommy, give me some vegetables so my butt doesn't hurt when I poop. 

October 29, 2011
Lia:  Steak is the best chicken EVER!

October 13, 2011
Dominic: I'm a big fan of Jonathan Toews !
Lia:  I'm a big fan of princesses!

November 10, 2010
Dominic: My brain tells me to do things
(when asked why he spit on his friends at school)

July 25, 2010
Dominic: Mommy, will you come sit by Lia.  I can't take the crying anymore.  She's driving me crazy.

June 16, 2010
Mommy: Dominic, don't squirt the wasp with your water gun.
Dominic: Why?  Would that piss it off?  

April 1, 2010
Anthony:  Cinderella's breath smells like meat loaf.  No, ribs.  

March 14, 2010
Lia:  He bit my hoo-hah!

February 3, 2010
Lia:  Daddy said "Oh Shit, Mommy.  That's not nice!"

January 30, 2010
Lia:  Hall-o Keelly has a hoo-hah!

January 25, 2010
Dominic:  You DON'T want to go in the bathroom, Mommy.

January 20, 2010
Lia:  I want 'otions on my hoo-hah!
Mommy:  Anthony, why are you sticking your _____ in that bottle?  

January 11, 2010
Dominic:  You're the dumbest, stupidest, frickin-est kid, Anthony! 

January 2, 2010
Anthony:  He said I was naughty and was going to get coal for Christmas, so I hit him right in the face!

December 31, 2009
Dominic:  Mommy, can we go swimming in our pool tomorrow?

Swimming in January?

December 21, 2009
Dominic:  Mommy, why is "what the fuck" a bad word?
Mommy:  Because it just is.
Anthony:  Your're gonna be on the naughty list for saying "what the fuck".
Dominic:  I didn't say "what the fuck".  I asked if "what the fuck was a bad word?
Anthony: You still can't say "what the fuck", Dominic!  

December 20, 2009
Dominic:  Daddy, hell is today!  

December 13, 2009
Dominic:  No Lia!  You're gonna squirt my blood out!

December 12, 2009
Anthony:  I wanna be Jewish!

December 7, 2009
Dominic:  I taste like people.

December 5, 2009
Dominic:  You're not my brother any more! 

December 2, 2009
Anthony:  I don't want to be on the naughty list!

November 21, 2009
Dominic: I want snot for my birthday.
Anthony: What if Lia had a hundred 'ginas?
Dominic: You shouldn't drink beer in the car because you might spill it.  

November 14, 2009
Mommy:  She pooped!
Daddy:  So.
Mommy:  She pooped and took off her diaper but I don't know where it is.